“It always seems impossible until its done.” – Nelson Mandela

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I applied for a job the other day at the Unicorn Meat Factory in Sacramento, California.

Yes, the factory that actually processes, pre-packages unicorn meat and then applies a crapload of Monosodium Glutamate (MSG) to prevent the meat from spoiling.. OR for taste. It’s then shipped out nationwide to several grocery stores for all those who wish to gluttonize.

Why did I apply for such a job?

I couldn’t find a job elsewhere so I figured – why not – I can possibly get a chance to work around unicorns. Maybe I can use a few for my Dung Beer concoctions … or I can just get a mouth watering tasty bite myself. It’s normal to eat unicorn meat right?

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Shopping on Black Friday is always a “survival of the fittest” yet hilarious experience. With Thanksgiving’s tofurkey fermenting in my stomach, I wait in line at the meat market of technology – BEST BUY – to buy more new junk to fill my apartment with.

Therefore I present to you:

Yes – Black Friday actually does stink like turkey droppings. Maybe because everyone is so full of tofurkeys, and well, besides mentioning green gas – the rest of the image is too disgusting for me to even portray.

Like all the other little ingenius munchkins in line, I’m thinking we’re actually going to save money by spending more money. Hell, in those wee hours of the morning I could’ve written the first chapter of Harry Potter 8 and slammed it in J.K. Rowling’s attractive face.

It’s interesting how I wouldn’t ever get up that early in the morning to –

a) Write this blog
b) Go to the gym
c) Write a chapter of a book
d) Take my pet rhinoceros for a walk

– but I was stupid enough to get up that early to save a couple of bucks for crappy products I would never use again.

There I am below in the dark green shirt in the back with a big frown on my face. Obviously, anyone would get a frown on their face if they’ve been waiting in line for a better part of the day.

If the alien race were looking through a telescope at the Earth, they would notice this line right away. This line outside Best Buy literally extended for a couple of miles. They would laugh so loud that we would waste our precious time standing in this line, that their eardrums would simultaneously combust at the same time, blasting a hole through their spaceship.
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Sometimes, when I was a teen, I would let my anger get the best of me. I always assumed unleashing a barrage of nonsensical cuss words would do the job of calming the anger.

Turns out cussing would just make it worse.

I decided then I would say something different .. something.. unexpected.. something much better than cussing.

So everytime someone pissed me off, I decided one of the things to say was “Oh yeah? Well.. I made love to your grandmama“.
(This went on for a while till my medulla oblongata became wittier – which came as I gained more life experience.)

I’ve compiled a list of when I personally have noticed the best uses of saying such a thing:
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So my friends and I decided we should set up our own Mario Kart track in our city.

Why do we love Mario Kart games so much? I think we can all agree that the thrill of driving vehicles in an environment full of mischief, mayhem and the unknown pumps the ogre blood that runs in our veins.

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My usual blogposts/comics are usually full of insanely silly material but this isn’t going to be one of those today.

A true inspiration for me as well as many others has passed away a few days ago on March 25, 2012. His name was Edd Gould, the creator of EddsWorld. I had been following the guy’s animation work since I was a kid back in 2005, and I knew even back then it had a certain spark to it that would make me want to watch his work again and again, especially during sick days at school. I never got to meet the guy or speak to him personally, but I knew this HAD to be a work of a young, talented, and kind spirit.

Edd was one of the inspirations for me to get into comics & animation and I’m sure was an inspiration for many others. The funny antics of him and his friends were definitely unforgettable. That being said.. I truly wish the ability of all the laughter & happiness in the world could cure cancer.. that would be the day. Like if the amount of laughter one single person brought to the world could be calculated and put into a machine, and cashed in at the right moment such as saving said someone from cancer – if such fantasy ever exists, why that would simply be marvelous.

It’s really lame how the good ones go first. Maybe that or its the good ones we remember the most..

Edd, if you meet Steve Jobs in i-Heaven, I hope you guys become buddies.

I sat down today to write some more funny material – but I don’t feel like doing it now. I think I’m just going to enjoy a nice Eddsworld marathon playlist on youtube till I drift into slumber…

A fan interviews the character of Noc Blaine, and the voice actor for The Nose Milk, Roc Perine.

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Welcome to thenosemilk.com. We’re here to throw certain objects that induce laughter.  Such as animated shorts, shows, comics, some future games, dinosaur testicles.. etc etc.