So my friends and I decided we should set up our own Mario Kart track in our city.
Why do we love Mario Kart games so much? I think we can all agree that the thrill of driving vehicles in an environment full of mischief, mayhem and the unknown pumps the ogre blood that runs in our veins.
Meet my friends:
From left to right, top to bottom:
- The zombie
- My pet monkey
- The monster who lives in my closet, the one who helps me with homework.
- Some stupid cop. I didn’t even invite the guy, he just showed up for the donuts.
- My promiscuous girlfriend.
- Me. My Fat Arse. I like to also flatten myself in my portraits because I look skinnier… vertically.
- The doctor who’s running late for work
- Ned the Nerd with the alienware shirt on
- Ernie the Engineer
Based on my experiences with that, I now propose the idea to the government baboons that a Mario Kart track should be built in real life. Here are some of my reasons why:
REASON # 1:
Let’s face it government, people are going to street race no matter what. So this will give you a way to legalize it AND keep it away from regular streets.
Obviously, you’re going to feel the need to regulate it – by using the economy as an excuse, as you did with ass insurance policies.
So regulate it if you must, as long as this proposition becomes a reality!
REASON # 2:
But back on topic, obviously in a real life Mario Kart track we would be tossing bananas, turtle shells, all sorts of shrooms and shit.. littering the countryside
Although you guys at the government enjoys fining people for littering, you would surely make exceptions since people will be paying so much money to watch these races.
REASON # 3:
Well.. there WOULD be jaywalkers at first, but then they’d realize that losing a leg or two isn’t a good idea.. and that will solve the jaywalking problem.
REASON # 4:
C’mon even you guys in the government hate cops.
Think about it: there’s no way you would be able to commit scandals, adulteries and what not with cops breathing down your neck!
Cops can’t race when it comes to street racing. They’ll be the first to crash.
Those who don’t crash, just lure them with donut shops scattered across the racetrack.
REASON # 5:
Everyone wants to win, so there’s nothing wrong with some flashing to please the audience!
During my live experiment, my monster friend crushed the remaining two opponents just to win the race.
But psshhh.. obviously.. that wouldn’t happen in a regulated Mario Kart racetrack!
So oh government, please consider my proposal for a Mario Kart track to be built in the streets of every major city.
So that we stop doing silly things like this:
And so we can pass our time doing epic things like this: