I watched Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows Part 2 with sadness. The sadness occured mostly because of the fact that Harry Potter was a major part of my childhood. And now everything about it has ended.

Also meaning an end to my childhood. Childhood being a large part of my youth.

A curtain of thoughts surrounded me. I had a strange feeling that I was going to turn wrinkly soon.

Uh oh. This question that had been dreaded for so long now loomed over me.

Why didn’t Harry hook up Cho Chang? Why did J.K. Rowling make Harry Potter racist?

Ha ha, totally kidding. The actual question that had been dreading me so long was:

What are the fans going to do now that all the Harry Potter craziness is over with?

I have a friend that looks like a duplicate of Ron Weasly. He looks the part even more than Rupert Grint.

My friend likes to make statements. He’s kind of an asshole that way, but I find him entertainingly refreshing.

He loves Slytherin. He’s always wearing Slytherin shirts, mock Slytherin shirts, Slytherin colors etc. He knows he looks like the main character’s best friend from Gryffindor, yet he himself is a Slytherin fanboy. Oh, the irony.

At any case this is the story of how my blonde friend Jack committed suicide. He just felt that life without Harry Potter is a dull life.

His motto was “All play and no Potter makes Jack a dull boy“.

He even bought Hewlett Packard laptops because of the HP logo. I don’t know – some people are just fucking insane like that, don’t ask me.

As you can see. He was quite taken aback by it. It seemed to really hit him after we watched the last Harry Potter movie.

Those might have been the healing tears of a Phoenix. I should have brought a few of my chemistry set vials and saved them – in case I needed to heal something later on.

Later on – he did the unexpected.

Suicide? Oh my god. I didn’t expect that. I thought people die of trying to find a parking spot during Harry Potter opening nights, not SUICIDE!!

Don’t be surprised.. parking spot robberies is pretty common. But suicide for this? I’m becoming a little teary eyed as I write this post now. That has never happened before.

He fell and fell to his doom. I’m guessing he felt pretty weightless right now.

Right before he hit the ground, he stopped falling. The feeling of weightlessness went away.

He opened his eyes.

Was he in Heaven?

Better.

Apparently J.K. Rowling happened to be riding her FireBolt around the area and could read the thoughts of my friend. She saved his life with her broom.

I told my friends all these years, but they never believed me. I KNEW J.K. ROWLING WAS A WITCH THE WHOLE TIME!!!.

She wrote the Harry Potter books so that we can understand witches and accept them better! Before Harry Potter, we thought of witches as the old farts with warts on their nose from Halloween. After Harry Potter, we think of witches as..

J.K. Rowling made being a witch smart, sophisticated and sexy.

For the sake of my friend, J.K. Rowling decided to write another book set in the world of Harry Potter…

Unfortunately for the loved ones my friend left behind, this did not happen. Jack left this world, ne’er to return.

J.K. Rowling, will you stop delaying and write another novel set in the Harry Potter universe? Please do before someone else suicides.